So, let me catch everyone up? :)
Well the latest is I got locked down on a 5150 hold just last month.
There was yet another incident of self harm (cutting) and we were not able to keep the cuts hidden from our biological daughter. She had the expected reaction - anger and disgust. She even yelled at me about how I was trying to take her mother away. Interesting that at that moment, she seemed to forget about the DID. I still get frustrated with the others and how I end up dealing with the ramifications of their actions. It wasn't the person who cut who ended up in the emergency room. Nor was it the person who cut who spent the time on lock down. It was me. I spent 8 days in a mental ward filled to the max with mostly bi-polar 1 and/or schizophrenic patients. Most had tried to commit suicide and failed. The only thing I could do really is just laugh at the situation. I am neither bi-polar nor schizophrenic, so I really just had to 'play the game and say the right things' so the medical professionals would let me out of there. Just typing it now is ticking me off. Do any of you deal with taking responsibility and dealing with the fall out for the actions of the others alters? [ASIDE - In case you don't know what a 5150 is, here's a pretty good explanation from Wikipedia]:
"Section 5150 is a section of the California Welfare and Institutions
Code (specifically, the Lanterman–Petris–Short Act or "LPS") which
allows a qualified officer or clinician to involuntarily confine a
person deemed to have a mental disorder that makes them a danger to
him or her self, and/or others and/or gravely disabled. A qualified
officer, which includes any California peace officer or paramedic, as
well as any specifically designated county clinician, can request the
confinement after signing a written declaration. When used as a term,
5150 (pronounced "fifty-one-fifty") can informally refer to the person
being confined or to the declaration itself, or colloquially as a verb,
as in 'Someone was 5150'd'."
Most of the in-patients went on to the intensive out-patient program of the hospital. It goes from 9am until 3pm. Can you imagine having to be in group 6 hours a day, 5 days a week? I'll pass, thanks.
It has been now over 3 years since my DID diagnosis and I still - STILL have moments when I have doubt that we are plural. I simply don't want it to be true. Plus I don't want to have to do the hard, hard work that is required to at the least get us all working congruently. We can't even think about considering integration because we feel so strongly that to do so would kill most of us. And that's just too much for us.
It is so good to see all of you here again. We'll speak again soon.
~by: Jess Mei
I just came across your blog while looking up support for people with dissociative identity disorder. I really, really hope you are doing better.
ReplyDeleteIt is no secret that I have a very deep and personal relationship with God. I have pushed and resisted that relationship this past year through all the bullshit I have had to go through living with Herpes but once again, God is bigger than my stubbornness and broke through that outbreak cold sore and all I had Genital Herpes. For me personally, hearing over and over how I am not good enough has really invaded my mind in the worst way possible. I completely shut down and I was just waking up like is this how life going to end this temporary herpes outbreak “fuck everybody with herpes if you know what I mean” but let's be honest here...
ReplyDeleteIt is a cowardly to say no to herbal medicine. It is fear based. And it is dishonest to what my heart wants. Don't build a wall around yourself because you are afraid of herbals made or taking a bold step especially when it's come to health issues and getting cure. So many young men/ women tell me over and over that Dr Itua is going to scam me but I give him a try to today I feel like no one will ever convince me about herbal medicine I accept Dr Itua herbal medicine because it's cure my herpes just two weeks of drinking it and i have been living for a year and months now I experience outbreak no more, You can contact him if you need his herbal medicine for any such diseases like, Herpes, Hepatitis, HIV, Epilepsy, Infertility, Love Spell,. Email..drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com then what's app.+2348149277967.... My advice to any sick men/women out there is simple... Be Always an open book. Be gut wrenching honest about yourself, your situation, and what you are all about. Don't hold anything back. Holding back will get you nowhere...maybe a one way ticket to lonelyville and that is NOT somewhere you want to be. So my final truth...and I'm just starting to grasp this one..
My life is beautiful thanks to you, Mein Helfer. Lord Jesus in my life as a candle light in the darkness. You showed me the meaning of faith with your words. I know that even when I cried all day thinking about how to recover, you were not sleeping, you were dear to me. I contacted the herbal center Dr Itua, who lived in West Africa. A friend of mine here in Hamburg is also from Africa. She told me about African herbs but I was nervous. I am very afraid when it comes to Africa because I heard many terrible things about them because of my Christianity. god for direction, take a bold step and get in touch with him in the email and then move to WhatsApp, he asked me if I can come for treatment or I want a delivery, I told him I wanted to know him I buy ticket in 2 ways to Africa To meet Dr. Itua, I went there and I was speechless from the people I saw there. Patent, sick people. Itua is a god sent to the world, I told my pastor about what I am doing, Pastor Bill Scheer. We have a real battle beautifully with Spirit and Flesh. Adoration that same night. He prayed for me and asked me to lead. I spent 2 weeks and 2 days in Africa at Dr Itua Herbal Home. After the treatment, he asked me to meet his nurse for the HIV test when I did it. It was negative, I asked my friend to take me to another nearby hospital when I arrived, it was negative. I was overwhite with the result, but happy inside of me. We went with Dr. Itua, I thank him but I explain that I do not have enough to show him my appreciation, that he understands my situation, but I promise that he will testify about his good work. Thank God for my dear friend, Emma, I know I could be reading this now, I want to thank you. And many thanks to Dr. Itua Herbal Center. He gave me his calendar that I put on my wall in my house. Dr. Itua can also cure the following diseases ... Cancer, HIV, Herpes, Hepatitis B, Inflammatory Liver, Diabetis, Bladder Cancer,Colorectal Cancer,HPV,Breast Cancer,Kidney Cancer,Prostate Cancer,Weak Erection,Love Spell,Leukemia,Lun,Fribroid,Infertility,Parkinson's disease,Inflammatory bowel disease ,Fibromyalgia, recover your ex. You can contact him by email or whatsapp, @ .. drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com, phone number .. + 2348149277967 .. He is a good doctor, talk to him kindly. I'm sure he will also listen to you.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete